Wednesday, September 17, 2014

My Word for the Summer is Growth

Hey there!

The summer is practically over and I am about three seconds away from pulling out my Christmas decorations.

If I had to sum this summer up in one word, it would be growth.

Over the the last few months I have had some growing pains but I feel stronger and more grounded in my faith than ever.

Here are some important lessons I have learned and have to continually remind myself of:
1. Don't run from God when things get tough. Read your bible, go to church and keep praying.
2. Exercise. Your body and mind will thank you for it at the end of the day.
3. You are strong. But remember your strength can come from others when you need it. Stay close to those that love you.
4. It's OK to be sad, but don't let it consume you.  
5. Happiness is a choice, you must choose it everyday.

If you had to sum up your summer in one word what would it be?

Tuesday, May 27, 2014

The Ugly Truth About Infertility

Definition of Infertility: an inability to get or stay pregnant after a year of trying if you're under 35, or six months if you're older. 
I am now an unlucky member of a group that no woman wants to be a part of, a group that is silent and many times overlooked, a group of infertile women. 
To all of the wonderful people who are privileged enough to know nothing about this heart wrenching group, please note that my emotions and actions have no logic behind them 99 percent of the time.

If I avoid you, it's because I don't feel like crying in public or putting on a fake smile. It's embarrassing and I am trying to hold on to the little bit of self control I have left.
If you tell me that it will happen when the time is right, please know that the tiny amount of self control I have managed to hold on to may escape me and who knows what  will come out of my angry, bitter and selfish mouth.
If you are not a doctor and even if you are, keep all of your comments about stress, timing, ovulation kits and prayer to yourself. I am currently doing all of the above. 
If you are pregnant and I don't seem happy for you, please don't take offense. I am just extremely angry and pissed that it's not me. So yes, jealousy is the word I am looking for here.
If you know someone struggling with infertility, don't give up on them. It may seem like the sane person you once knew is lost forever but they are not. They are just buried under a pile of negative pregnancy tests, ovulation kits and baby shower invitations. 


Wednesday, February 26, 2014

Cabin Fever

Back in October (what!) Chris and I spent a long weekend in Pigeon Forge, TN with some close friends and family. Besides waking up and drinking a hot coffee on the back porch, the highlight of my trip was...go-carts. Not kidding! Chris and I were giggling like little school girls the entire time, which he never would admit to and would probably cringe if he saw this BUT he doesn't read my blog very often sooo... now the entire world wide web knows, Chris giggles. It was so nice to disconnect for a while and enjoy the beautiful outdoors, If I didn't love Nordstrom and hate bugs so much, I could definitely see myself calling a little mountain cabin home, it was truly lovely.

Dear Arby's Guy

I left a revival service at church this week and Chris insisted he needed Arby' being the good wife that I am I volunteered to go since he had a couple errands to run before heading home. As I sat through the never-ending line I was having a conversation with my mom regarding the salvation of some family members. And maybe just maybe, I raised my voice a little when I said 'salvation' so the Arby's guy could hear what I was saying. Then it happened, he asked me if I was talking about "pain of salvation" and I kind of chuckled because I had no idea what he meant and I replied "no, I am talking about the plan of salvation, you know...the gospel" then I froze.

 I had just handed out my last track about 10 minutes before. The line was long behind me so without another word, I grabbed my bag and drove off. The entire way home, I considered turning around to go ask the Arby's guy about the status of his soul. Was he saved? Did he know Jesus Christ? But...I didn't. It was late, I had to work the next day, you know how it goes.

Arby's Guy,

I am sorry, I didn't have a track with the plan of salvation to give to you. I should have turned around and went back, because your soul and eternity is important. The truth is you probably didn't think twice about our conversation but days later, it's still heavy on my heart. Next time, I will have a track and the courage I need to talk to you and the many others that need it about the greatest gift.

Tuesday, February 25, 2014

Life Lately

My sweet valentine gift... I may have jumped up and down! 

Chris turned 24! We celebrated at the beach, it was lovely and way too chilly for these Floridians.

Bunny ears live on!

Pottery painting makes for the perfect Friday afternoon.

Monday, February 24, 2014

The Real Reason

My job requires a lot of writing, thinking and creativity in general and this was going to be my next blog post about why I have regrettably ignored my blog. But it's not the real reason. The truth behind my absence is selfish and honestly, I had nothing nice or positive to say. Recording my unhappiness for the whole online world to see just seemed pointless until now. 

As many of you know I got pregnant last April with Chris and I's first child and shortly after we found out the most wonderful news, I miscarried. It was by far one of the largest trials I have faced so far in my life. After losing the baby, Chris and I decided we wanted to try again. Month after month, nothing. In the meantime, it seemed as if everyone around me was announcing that they were expecting. While I dug deep to share joy with many of my friends and church family, every announcement opened up my healing wound a little more and I drew back from friends,  expecting ladies at church and sadly, I questioned God. As you can imagine, this led to a lot of unhappiness. I was missing all of the blessings I was undeservingly receiving. All of my thoughts and energy were focused on getting pregnant. I lost sight of the most important thing in my life, my relationship with God. 

On a Sunday when I needed it most, I sat in a church sermon that focused on Deuteronomy 29:29 The secret things belong unto the Lord our God. That message changed me forever. In the midst of anger, bitterness and longing The Lord got a hold of my heart. I don't know the answer to the "why me" question I have asked so many times but I rest assured my heavenly Father knows and he has a beautiful plan in store, all I have to do is trust in him. 

Thursday, January 2, 2014

730 Days

Warning: This post is super mushy.

December 31st marked two years since I said 'I do' to my best friend. We welcomed the new year and celebrated our anniversary tucked away in a booth at one of our favorite restaurants near our first house. I loved everything about this night,  the only way it could have been better is if it didn't end. 

Chris: Thank you for challenging me and making me a better person each and every day. I wouldn't want to be on this journey called life with anyone else. In the past two years I have learned a lot about compromise, appreciation, loss, happiness and change, but mostly I have learned about true, pure love. I know without a doubt you are my soul mate and my forver. Happy Anniversary, babe. I love you always.